At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
