nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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