You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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