3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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