C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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