Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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