my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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