we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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