have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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