so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize