Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize