Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
