I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
