How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
