you guys were way drunker than both of me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize