What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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