Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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