If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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