wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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