mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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