My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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