Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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