I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
