i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
