Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
