I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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