You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
