his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
