Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
