Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
