I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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