let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
