Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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