i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
