Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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