i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize