My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
