I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Randomize
