You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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