Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ugly people sure do ruin things
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
