I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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