So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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