Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
last night I used snow as a chaser
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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