How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
