I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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