my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
