He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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