his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
