fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
