Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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