smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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