when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
