omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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