I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
