picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
