can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
