Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
