Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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