I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
