Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
