Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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