four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize