sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize