I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
