mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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