i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just googled if crying burns calories
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
