Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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